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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in ace_kingofcars' LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, August 1st, 2006
9:23 pm
http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2006/merry-go-round-p1.php

It happened near me, was on the local news. This is serious business!
Tuesday, July 18th, 2006
2:54 pm
Monday, July 10th, 2006
12:04 pm
Free trip to America!!
https://reservations.visittellico.com/

You just need to abscond after the free tour once you've officially notified the rep of your decision not to take a plot (they even provide the forms to turn them down - see the t&c's!) and make sure you've got a visa with a decent amount of time on it.
Only problem I can see is that they make you agree to waive all rights to sue for personal injury/death while on their tour so if it's a death cult with blood orgies (yay! Blood orgy!) you might think you have problems... but wait...there's more....actually they can't do this but it's so they can point to it and hope you don't bother seeing a solicitor if they maim you, besides it's not like you can care if you die.

As long as you don't lie to them on the forms you're in the clear and away!
They're trying to screw people over so it would be poetic justice if they got done themselves. Trouble is I'm not sure I have the balls to carry it through. I did fill in the form though. hmmmmm.
Wednesday, June 28th, 2006
2:05 pm
This is the next logical step in a process that began back in 1991 when we first implemented the "Taper Section" at our shows, where our fans were encouraged to bring in their own gear to record the show, and then take home their very own "bootleg" of the concert they had just seen. This technology will enable our fans to get the best possible recording of the show, without having to hold a microphone in the air for the entire night!
--Lars

That was Lars Ulrich of Selloutica on their new website livemetallica.com. Funny that they used to allow fans to tape their shows, which is now stricly banned and you'll get ejected for it, and he has the gall to cite that as an influence for setting up a site where you can purchse their own crappy unproduced bootleg at a hugely inflated price.
Why didn't I listen to Rob all along???
Tuesday, June 27th, 2006
5:46 pm
Dear Nazi bully boys
Hey, finished my coast to coast ride, I wrote stuff about it here http://www.unicyclist.com/forums/showthread.php?t=50695
One or two of you said you'd sponsor me, you can do it at www.justgiving.com/unicyclecoast2coast if you'd be so very kind.
So, to summarise:
Dear Nazi bully-boys,
Give me some money,
Boom-shanka.
Sunday, June 25th, 2006
6:23 pm
Thursday, June 22nd, 2006
11:16 am
Got a 2:1 which is nice. I bombed out in the 3 exams that I was ill in (especially terrorism. eugh.)
The best bit is I got 80 in my second legal theory essay, which was basically about how law sucks major donkey dick. Jason worships me. Get in!
Doing law was a big mistake with hindsight, but I guess at least it wasn't completely futile since it's not as if it's a mickey mouse degree that has no practical use or application where I dossed for 3 years in front of the TV. Well, except when Jeremy Kyle was on in the summer term and I could have a good old laugh at Phippsy's compadres instead of working.

Oh and comiserations to Nick on his 2:2 in art. I guess Senor must have tipped him over on that form? Can someone enlighten me?
Tuesday, June 20th, 2006
8:05 am
Alton Towers
Yay I went to Alton Towers yesterday with Richard. It ruled, we did all the big rides: Air, Rita, the new spinny thing, Oblivion, Squirrel Nutty, the Tractor ride in Storybook Land (we rode on "Smokey") and a boat ride next to it with buttons to push for farm animal sounds.
We've always wanted to do the Squirrel Nutty, it tempts you on your way in and out of the park but we never quite had the guts before. As long as you get your owm squirrel you just look like morons, not paedophiles. Joy!
All in all a great day.
Thursday, June 15th, 2006
10:35 pm
Fuck, I just saw such a great show. It's called Penn and Teller: Bullshit.
You have to see this, its on FX (I know, but this time Fox doesn't suck)
Seems that Gandhi was a big old racist, he used to live in South Africa and wrote loads of racist shit about the blacks that lived there.
They called Mother Teresa a "fucker" and with good reason - turns out she was pretty crooked, hung out with brutla dictators and defalcated over half of her $55mil she raised for helping the poor (often from dictators of poor countries like Haiti, ie stolen from poor people in the first place) to build her own brand convents. She was also quite scarily like that nun on Father Ted, and well into inflicting pain in order to bring people closer to God. Oh, and her flagship "home for the dying" in Calcutta was a shithole where people lie in rows in massive rooms on campbeds to die while being denied visits from their families. And woe betide anyone who didn't spend enough time in bed dying!

It goes on. They back their accusations up, but it's also 'kin hilarious.
Whatever you do in the next week, you have to watch this. It rules.
So in the spirit of the moment:

MOTHER TERESA WAS AN ARSEHOLE!
Tuesday, June 13th, 2006
11:38 am
I'm sposnored by Faberge (well kinda) How random.
Woop Woop.
In case any of you chosen few didn't know I'm doing 2 charity unicycle rides for the Cambridge Mongolian Disaster Appeal (www.camda.org.uk - go there now. tap.)
A coast to coast from Whitehaven to Tynemouth, and if my knee stays injury free the Dunwich Dynamo, a 120-mile b*ke ride from central London to the Suffolk coast overnight under a full moon, on the ole one-wheeler of course.

So 2 things -

1) sponsor me at www.justgiving.com/unicyclecoast2coast even if it's a tiny amount please please cos it's a really good cause and they're only small so a little money goes a long way. No PR department/suits/fleet of Landcruisers to be seen.

2) I got speaking to some people on Darlington station, who emailed me back and turned out to be appraisers for the Antiques Roadshow and one of which works at a really famous Faberge dealer in London who are going to sponsor me. So I'm kinda sponsored by Faberge - how exciting! None of that Tiffany Diamonique shite from BidUp.tv for me, oh no! Maybe they can lay me a small egg.

In conclusion, please give them some of your money, or at least your parents money. Go on, it's lying there on the dresser and they'll assume it just got spent on groceries, so it's a victimless crime.
Thursday, June 8th, 2006
10:05 am
Friday, June 2nd, 2006
8:49 am
Thursday, June 1st, 2006
6:15 pm
hhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmpppppppppppphhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, May 31st, 2006
8:10 am
It's on...
Friday, May 26th, 2006
5:55 pm


Just as well. Daddy sent me to public school and taught me to sneer at anything resembling actual work. Get in! Er, I mean marvellous.
Wednesday, May 24th, 2006
9:02 am
Welcome to blandjournal
Well it's the morning after another frightful row on livejournal and I have to say that I have shed a few tears for passing friendships. I realise now how wrong I have been. Photoshopping images of people and publishing them on livejournal is indeed serious business, harassment and downright wrong. I'm sorry for what I did and for all the heartache I have caused. I feel I must take action to undo all the suffering I have caused. The peace flag has been raised, and seems to have been accepted.
Even though the 2 pugulists (let's call them x and y) I fought were comprehensively annihilated I felt the time right to raise the white flag. x and y will play no further part in my livejournal adventures. To ensure that no further offence is caused to anyone else left who reads this (not x and y, if you're here, go away) there will be a few ground rules

1)No photoshop
2)No references to anyone or anything. You never know who might be watching and getting scared.
3)Accept completely the accusations in any posts that occur in every case.
4)No midget porn
5)Every entry must be as banal as possible to avoid possibility of scaredness occurring
6)No scary things
7)Nothing of any consequence, especially not politics
THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE:
8)NO REFERENCES TO X OR Y FROM NOW ON. X AND Y'S NOT ALLOWED

That should about cover it and keep the censors happy.

So in that spirit, I start my new and improved blandjournal where no-one will get hurt.

09:10 Checked email
09:19 Typing on computer
09:20 Going downstairs for breakfast. Possibility of porridge 80%
Plan for day: Revision
Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006
5:16 pm
Macc police=not very nice
FUCKERS! PETE DINT DO NUFFINK! I FEEL A UNICYCLE REBELLION COMING ON. GRRRRRRRRRR!
http://www.macclesfield-express.co.uk/news/s/212/212740_unicyclist_is_stopped_in_his_tracks.html

Current Mood: grrrr
12:42 pm
Friday, May 19th, 2006
6:48 pm
Travelling
I just had the funniest conversation EVER! Oh my! Well, I was sitting around thinking about daddy when an acquaintance of mine turned up. Well, you may be wondering what we talked about darlings, well I'll tell you! I'll tell you what it was that we talked about - TRAVELLING *dies laughing*
You may be wondering why this is so funny but hold your horses just one moment. She went travelling in Africa for two months. I asked her: What did you do? Do you know what she did? Nothing! I asked her what she did and she told me she sat by a lake. And I asked her what she did by the lake. Do you know what she did? Nothing! Just sat by a lake for two months and I asked her was that all? She answered yes! Oh, my dear me, I ask you, two whole months sitting by a lake! How frightfully absurd!
That is why travelling is so pointless. Oh my deary me how droll!
*chokes on Ben and Jerrys chocolate fish-shape whilst laughing*
*dies*
Friday, May 5th, 2006
6:02 pm
Jerry Springer: the protest
Me and Mr. Nick went out to the theatre last night for a spot of good 'ole fashioned religious-right bashing. By gar it's been awhile....
As you probably already know, Jerry Springer: The Opera has been attracting quite a following among right-wing religious zealots. They've been out in force in Newcastle all week so I couldn't let them have it all their way. I knocked up an A1 placard (text is below) put on my finest GWAR tour shirt, and accompanied by my minder, Nicholas (spawn of Satan) Ward, set off to the theatre.

I was very happy to see they were still there, unfortunately the feeling wasn't mutual. They started to sing hymns at me so I proffered a friendly greeting of "Hail Satan!" to break their icy stares but they only scowled and sang harder. Undeterred, I went right up to them and returned their glares with a beaming smile for all to see. No dice. I was starting to get a bit miffed, as they didn't seem to want to return my peace, love and compassion. I thought Christians loved all that shit. I stood in front of them for a while, and started to get a few compliments for my lovely sign. Their singing on the other hand was of a low standard, and didn't even deserve a sideways glance from most passers-by.

We moved on to the front door of the theatre, right where the leafletting action was. Again, my beaming smile was returned by the kind of scowls that only a thankless life spent hopelessly slaving yourself to a God that doesn't exist can drag up. Also some VERY aggressive pointing. I was shocked and saddened by this shameful display, but kept on smiling through their taunts. Apparently, I should've been ashamed of what I was doing, and that it was disgusting filth (me or the opera? Not sure.)

By this point I was losing my initial warmth and love for this plucky bunch of zealots. Luckily for me, I didn't have to do or say much to stick the knife in. The general public did it for me. I got spontaneous rounds of applause, people crowding round to read my placard, and people having a good laugh at the God-squad with me. I posed for a few pictures in front of the choir, giving a hearty thumbs up to the camera. They REALLY didn't like this. A middle aged man with ginger hair the same length covering most of his skull and jaw (sure-fire paedo) told me not to do that again because they might be seen as approving my placard in the picture. He was quickly brushed aside, and went back to sing sulkily for a while.
I have to hand it to them though, they just didn't know when they were beaten. The singing and scowling continued despite people either laughing at them, or ignoring them while we took all the glory.
Finally they were saved by a kind Northumbria student who gave me and Nick free tickets for the show. Woop! It was 'kin fantastic. It was way better than I expected, and hilarious all the way through. The highlight had to be the Klu Klux Klan tapdancing. Glory!

I don't think I've laughed so much in one day since school when me and Alex went on a sugar high and were shown a video about a kid who ate carpets. Anyhoo, here's the placard text, it rips the piss out of their leaflet they're handing out, I copied a lot of it from their stuff.


CENSORSHIP OFFENDS ME!
These protesters present a very distorted view of the Christian faith. This Placard explains...

They claim Hurricane Katrina was an act of "purification" on New Orleans, which was "cursed" by God due to the "abortionists" "whores" and "the homosexual tourists" They had apparently asked God to "deal with New Orleans"

They printed the names and addresses of BBC employees involved in Jerry Springer, who were subsequently subjected to a campaign of intimidation and threats, and threatened theatres staging the play with legal action.

Even though they themselves admit their acts today are "like filthy rags" and they admit that they deserve punishment in hell, these poor condemned souls have a right to be here, a right to
FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

They have a right to perform outside this theatre, and verily, yea verily, they will be judged by Almighty God in the kingdom of heaven, who will smitest them and wreak a terrible vengeance through an eternity of bland inoffensive Cliff Richard songs. So let it be written, so let it be done...

See their own website, www.christianvoice.org.uk for more crazy Christian fun!
Remember, Christian voice puts the “fun” into “fundamentalist dogma”
ENJOY THE SHOW!

Current Mood: enthralled
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